NEW YORK -- In a move that astounded critics, employees and competitors alike, Donald Trump traded his enourmous media empire, billions of dollars in savings and all of his earthly property for a magic "talking carrot" from Wisconsin. Farmer F. Barnard Shaw of Plano, WI was amazed last week when he pulled a three-foot-long carrot out of his vegetable garden to hear it introduce itself as "Mr. Tubert" and to then proceed in dancing and singing a rendition of Tiny Tim's "Tip-Toe Through The Tulips." Seeing the incredible entertainment value of this genetically defective carrot, Shaw immediately began advertising the vegetable to the rich and famous of the United States, and immediately found a buyer in Trump. Said Trump: "Well, I may essentially be a bum now, without any assets except my "widdul Tub-Tub," but I can honestly say that it was worth it. I would do it again in an instant!"